I’m going to start this series off with a question that has been heavy on my heart. If I didn’t start here, this series would be nothing more than informative and could possibly lead many of you in the wrong direction for your family. This post is directed more towards mom’s, but the rest of this series will be for everyone. Let me also say, that this is in no means meant to bring guilt to any of you mommies out there who work from home or out of the home. I DO realize that many of you have to work at home or away, I’m a working (at home) mom myself. This post is for all of us to consider, it’s the logical place to start.
Do you HAVE to work at all?
Speaking from personal experience and from the experience I have had praying and meeting with friends going through this very same battle right now, I have to pose this question. The fact is that many of us simply want to be mom, nothing more nothing less. However the current financial state of our household, the country, and the world for that matter is seeming to pull us in a different direction. With that said, a lot of that is a mental and spiritual battle we’re fighting, it’s one that’s called WORRY.
I know it’s got to be one of the most searched phrases on the internet “work from home jobs” because as a woman we are so very torn when it comes to our babies at home and the feeling that we should be helping to contribute financially in one way or another. In my personal experience, it was worry. Plain and simple – I didn’t trust or have enough faith that regardless of what I did we’d be ok. So instead I worked a bazillion random jobs from house cleaning to Craiglist kid’s toy flipping. I’ll explain in another post.
So before I jump into the ‘how to’s’ of working from home, I really want you to think hard and ask yourself. Do I have to work from home, or at all. Now if you don’t have to, but want to…that’s completely a personal/family decision, one that I’m not going to question or discuss. I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind or convince them that one way is better than another. My number one objective with this post is simply to ask you to sit down and really consider why you want to work and if you really need to.
If you don’t want to, but think you need to I’d suggest you sit down with a trusted friend, family member or mentor and work out the nitty-gritty of your budget and see if you really HAVE to.
Looking back at the past 10 years of my life, there are times when I wished I would have asked myself this question. All the time and energy I invested in the various jobs I did, was it worth it? Did I have to work? I would have worked less, stressed less, and played more. I would have treasured the moments I had with my babies, instead of nursing at the computer to get just one more job done. I would have stayed home on a Saturday evening instead of running all around the Bay Area selling jewelry that I didn’t love to women who couldn’t afford it and didn’t need it but came to party because they couldn’t say no to a friend. Oh I have so many stories to share with you!
Looking back, I wish I would have asked myself this very same question. If I knew then what I know now, I would have said “No I don’t have to work.” I would have played at the park a lot more with that cute little girl pictured above, now 9 years old!
Carrie Cerve via Facebook March 21, 2011 at 9:12 pm
Thank you!
Whitney Flores via Facebook March 21, 2011 at 9:14 pm
I loved it, Julia.
via Facebook March 21, 2011 at 9:15 pm
Thanks ladies, hope it’s helpful to many.
Sarah Case Lee via Facebook March 21, 2011 at 9:19 pm
I think it is very well written and encourages thoughtful consideration into a big commitment to something in addition to your family. Thank you!
Stephanie Rossmiller Peck via Facebook March 21, 2011 at 9:19 pm
I feel like I just read my own story. I’ve been facing a big decision lately about a piece of my business that I could do without because I feel it is hurting my time with my son. I think God just used you to speak to me and help me make that decision. Thank you.
Kathleen March 21, 2011 at 9:21 pm
I am at a whole different point in my life. I am 57 years old and have worked most of my adult life. I lost my job three years ago due to downsizing. My husband is retired. We walked away from our house because we couldn’t pay the utilities and mortgage. We moved thousands of miles to live with my daughter and son-in-law and their two small children. We are very blessed that they want us here and we like being with them. With my husband’s retirement, we can live here without me working. However, he is very sick and if something happens to him, I do not get his retirement. I would love to find something to do “from home” so I can be here and help my daughter with the house work and the kids. Plus, by working from home, I could be near my husband and keep an eye on him. If I could find something now, I would have a small income to pay for my own clothes, medicine, etc. if anything happens to my husband.
Amy Grier via Facebook March 21, 2011 at 9:23 pm
I’m looking forward to the next in the series. I am dealing with this exact struggle right now. Finances are tight, but we’re making it. There is room to tighten down the budget even more. I feel the need to work to contribute and out of guilt that one day we won’t have saved enough to have (fill in the blank). I enjoy work, but I’d still rather be a full time mommy.
Stephanie Rossmiller Peck via Facebook March 21, 2011 at 9:23 pm
It is the “worry” that holds me back. To be nothing more that a mom 100% of the time would be great, but I worry way too much. It’s like working a little bit makes me a better person because it helps me not worry as much.
via Facebook March 21, 2011 at 9:26 pm
I struggled to write this post, I wanted it to be a blessing and an encouragement and did not want a bit of guilt to come through, so it is an incredible blessing to read already that a few of you have taken to heart the message that was intended and nothing else.
Jolene Hughes via Facebook March 21, 2011 at 9:34 pm
good post, i am counting down the days till i can be 100% mom ( as soon as hubby finishes school and gets a job out of home)
Kathy Myers via Facebook March 21, 2011 at 9:38 pm
that was very well written
Krista March 21, 2011 at 9:55 pm
I am not a mother, but I have found myself in the role of the financial provider for my husband & I. I work approx 50 hrs a week and our marriage is struggling because of the strain….not financially, but for lack of time & energy. I have become tougher attitude wise (which also causes strain & regrets) & my heart longs to be home taking care of my home & husband. My husband has a huge education gap & many health issues which amongst other things have held him back in getting a full time job. I have considered many on-line money making ventures, including creating an Etsy account, but stick with the current factory job which provides insurance & covers all our needs. I appreciate all your help & counsel as we face each new challenge in life.
Ginny March 21, 2011 at 10:01 pm
Great series! I have a few cents to put in!
It’s about your TIME and money!
I love my job, but I also love my kids, being a mom, and being a good wife. I feel torn daily about whether or not I need to work. I suppose if we cut back further I could possibly do without my income, but it sure does make things easier on us to have what I make. It’s not much, but just enough. Couldn’t do it without couponing, but we have a tiny bit of breathing room in our budget.
I work part time as a church secretary, and I am able to do it from home. Sounds ideal, right? It is a very forgiving job as far as my hours and when I work, but the point I would like to make is this…working from home isn’t always giving you more time. I work 15 hours a week. When I only had 1 child I could work about 3 hours a day during his afternoon nap and it was a breeze. It was great…I could throw in a load of laundry, get the dishwasher going, and then sit down with my coke and knock out some quality work while he napped. Now we have 2 kids who don’t always nap at the same time, 2 kids who are getting older which changes the dynamics of me working as they grow and schedules change.
Most days, I don’t get to sit down and get uninterrupted work done until 10 p.m. Often I play catch up on Saturday when my husband is home to watch the kids. My job gives me the opportunity to be home with my children, but my poor husband gets the worst of me. My housework suffers as well. Sometimes my kids watch more TV then I would prefer. (Thankfully TV is more educational then it was when I was a kid. That’s what I tell myself when I feel that mom guilt when they are on their 2nd hour of Dora.
Weigh those pros and cons! Re-weigh them as your family grows and your financial situation changes.
A job outside of the home might be more lucrative. It might also give you better quality of time with your kids and husband. When you work at home you not only work X amount of hours a week for an employer, but you still have to care for your family and their needs at the same time.
I would encourage women who are thinking about working from home to think long and hard about the pros and cons. Our current situation is there are still more pros to me working. I’m thankful for my job, especially in this economy. I love what I do and that I get to be a part of the working world and also be a homemaker. It is a sacrifice though. We get to library time for the kids every 3 weeks when the books are due. If I didn’t work we’d be there every week. I’ve fed my babies many bottles while typing one handed. We eat some pretty nasty dinners that I throw together at 6 p.m. on the fly. It seems loads of laundry are endlessly sitting on the couch waiting to be folded. I have to take important phone calls in the bathroom while my kids are crying outside the door (seems like kids immediately need something from mom when the phone rings). If that extra money you will be making by working at home is to buy anything other than needs, I would advise you wait until a later point in life. My kids are only 3 and 1, but in my short experience of being a mom I am watching time flash before my eyes. I try my best to balance how much work I do when the kids are awake and how much work I do after they go to bed and I should be spending time with my husband. If I can stay disciplined and motivated our household is manageable and my guilt of being torn in too many directions isn’t too bad.
There are always those weeks when things snowball, but thankfully I have a forgiving family and understanding friends and employers. I thank the Lord daily that our situation is working for us. Don’t jump into a job at home, but of course make sure you are using your time and talents wisely for your family.
MaryBeth March 22, 2011 at 6:00 am
This is a wonderful comment! I don’t have kids yet, but we’ve decided that I’ll stay home with them. However, I do sometimes feel guilty about it because my husband is going to be a teacher (graduates this year) and won’t be making much. I know that I could be providing financially, but I’m already praying for understand that what I’ll be providing my children is so much more valuable than any money I could bring in.
laura March 22, 2011 at 6:03 pm
My mother once said, “I had to make a decision whether I was going to work and give you all the things I wanted to give you- or if I was going to stay home with you.” We never had much money but she made the best decision ever. One I made too.
Julia March 22, 2011 at 8:33 am
Ginny, thank you so much for sharing your experience. It is very tough working from home, thank you for being so real and genuine!
Christina Lanzen via Facebook March 21, 2011 at 10:02 pm
Julia, this is very well-written. I am a part-time working mom, and I did not feel judged or guilty at all! I work 2-3 nights as an ICU nurse and I LOVE it! My husband is able to come home early on the evenings I work so that I can go in without having someone else watch my kids. Having said this, the “Have to work” question is one that we do ask each other often; thankfully, I think that we have found a balance that works for us at this point in our lives. It is something that I am constantly praying about though! I look at my working now as the opportunity to save money so that the “HAVE to work” question doesn’t have to be a question in the future. (‘live like no one else…’). Thank you for your tender heart and thought-provoking questions!
Phyllis March 21, 2011 at 11:06 pm
I have a story to tell. I’m 56 now, but when I was in my late 30s, I was a stressed out Mom working too much in my job and then doing another 8 hour day when I got home. My husband was in the military at the time and frequently out of town on business, and my child was under 6. I had been a Type 1 diabetic for about 22 years at the time and had other health issues. My doctors kept telling me that I needed to quit something or not be around any longer. I was worried that we wouldn’t make it, but I took a leap of faith that I’ve never regretted. My husband had finally gotten a promotion to Lt Col, and when I sat down and really looked at our financial situation I found out that I was working more of habit than of necessity. My husband and I talked it over, and I quit and have never looked back. To this day I am so glad that I did quit. We lived a little more frugally for a while, but over time, we were living back at the lifestyle we were before I had quit. My heath improved greatly, I got to spend time with our only child all through his school years ensuring he’d get the best educations possible, and I found that the full time job I had at home was more rewarding than any paid one I ever had. I know this option is not always available to everyone, so it is an individual decision. However, if you don’t have to work and want to stay home and give your all to your home and family, do not feel guilty. My son is now grown, but he was the valedictorian of his high school class in 2005 and graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering in 2009. He now works for the Army Corps of Engineers, and he was the best and most rewarding job I ever had. I am convinced that my undivided attention in ensuring he reached adulthood with a good education and good values was the best investment I ever made. I didn’t get paid a dime for it either other than the love and kisses I go in return. It was worth every minute I spent and gave great joy to my life. Since my child has left the nest, I still work at home keeping all the family records, meals on the table, wash done, escort my mother-in-law around because she doesn’t drive, etc. I still don’t get paid for what I do, but there is payment more than money in seeing the happiness of those around you enjoying what you do for them. I still have that Type 1 Diabetes (41 years now) and other health problems, but I’m doing great for the problems I do have. You don’t have to do it all, and if the money can be lived without, don’t let work become your unfulfilling habit.
Teri Stoddard March 22, 2011 at 12:06 am
Most women don’t have the luxury of asking this question. In most American homes it is a woman who works outside the home, not a man. At least this was true a few months ago.
Approximately 40% of American babies are born to unmarried women. These women may or may not be living with the fathers of their children. About 40% of American children whose parents do not live together have not seen their fathers during the last year. (This happens for many reasons, and is not always the man’s doing.) These children may or may not have a father or step-father who financially supports them.
Any parent, mother or father, who has the luxury of not working, or even working from home is blessed to have more time with their children. And children flourish with hands-on parenting. The close relationships teach children respect, communication and problem-solving.
I made the decision to work from home years ago when a divorce could have taken both parents out of the day-to-day lives of my children. I needed a job that would allow me to continue to parent my children while I worked. So I provided child day care, and foster care.
You are an inspiration. It is so nice to read about a normal, loving and committed family. I love that you are heralding marriage and faith* (*whatever that means to the reader). Keep talking. We all need to hear more.
Julia March 22, 2011 at 8:35 am
Teri, you’re so right. I was afraid I’d forget something and of course I should have mentioned the fact that it’s a pure blessing to even have the opportunity to sit down and ask yourself that question, regardless of the answer. Not everyone has that luxury.
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement.
Cary March 22, 2011 at 6:03 pm
Teri,
I am concerned about your describing a parent staying home to raise the children as a luxury. The world would have us believe that we are products of our circumstances and we have no control. We do have much more control than that. When I was growing up and making decisions that would affect the rest of my and my future children’s lives, I focused on the goal of staying home with my children. I did not incur student (or any other kind) debt, when I chose to marry, I chose to marry a man with similar goals and no debt except a mortgage that was well within our means to pay off. Even though I was working and we could have qualified for a bigger loan and fancier house, we chose the home we could easily afford on one salary and saved my salary for such a time when we would only have one salary. Of course as people in New Orleans and Japan can attest, all that we have is a mist and can be taken on a moments notice. That’s why it is so important to focus on the eternal truths instead of material things.
We all have an “owners manual” on our lives and if we follow the advice in the Bible and trust God to provide for us, He will. It takes sacrifice and dedication to doing the right thing along with trusting in God’s blessing to get the “luxury” of staying at home with the children He blesses us with. We need to exhort one another to “do the hard things”.
Many people miss out on the best in their lives because they think that their goals and desires are out of their reach. Julia is doing a great job of getting people to really look at their circumstances and separate the wants from the needs.
Thank you Julia for the thought provoking post.
From a very blessed and thankful stay at home mom of four.
Julia March 22, 2011 at 6:43 pm
Thank you Cary for your insight. I think though that Teri is speaking from a different perspective, one that I have to always keep in mind. The mom who comes to read TFF and is unmarried or isn’t a believer or for whatever reason they find themselves in a situation where they do both have to work. As a result of choices, circumstances, or the like – it is a fact of life for many.
Also I’m pretty sure Teri works in the foster/adoptive arena and has a much wider view of the sad statistics facing families today. Correct me if I’m wrong Teri.
Jeremy and I can relate personally to having made choices early on that could have landed us both in position where we needed to work, but thankfully we floated (sometimes barely) through those tough life lessons and found ourselves in the position we are now – still home with our kids AND paying down debt, very blessed. I wasn’t raised in a Christian home and planning for my marriage or financial future wasn’t on my mind in the least, thankfully God grabbed ahold of me and carried me through! Only by the grace of God.
Amber P March 22, 2011 at 6:52 pm
Cary,
While everyone is entitled to there opinion, you have to remember that some people also choose to work because they actually like it. When we start making people (moms) feel guilty for working, it doesn’t help their parenting one bit. Instead, we should all be supportive of each other’s decision whether it is to work or stay home. And, think of all the moms out there who are running a day care in their home. They wouldn’t be in business if the child’s parent stayed home.
Cary March 22, 2011 at 8:59 pm
Amber, Julia, and Teri
You are correct. We all come from different backgrounds and different perspectives. We also all fail at some point or another – me very much included. We all have our challenges and defeats. We also need to pull together to encourage and support one another to do right. I apologize that my engineering style and background don’t lend themselves well to grace-filled communication.
My comment to Teri was meant to encourage – honestly. We are not bound by our past mistakes. (And I am first to say I am very thankful for that.) Please be careful though to consider the cost involved when you say that someone has a luxury.
One of the reasons I really apreciate TFF is the ability to help others in a tangible way from the abundance of my stockpile. I thank you for pointing out the large portion of our population that is struggling in this area.
Peace and blessings to you.
Cary
Julia March 22, 2011 at 9:40 pm
Cary, I know your heart is full of grace! I get your point about the costs of staying home, it’s not always luxurious and can be quite a strain on a family. I’m sorry I missed that the first time around
Isn’t it interesting how we all view the same question/topic from so many different angles based on the lenses we see life through. Very interesting!
Kirsten March 22, 2011 at 12:45 am
Thanks for this! I am so struggling with this very thing right now. I have 2 children a 3 year old and a 3 month old and I am a teacher that is on layoff. I am in the middle of a very tough internal battle. Part of me wants to find a job so bad so that my husband can step down in the company he is working for as he often spends 60 plus hours a week working. However there is this huge part of me that absolutely loves being able to stay home with my children. I love being able to invest in their lives and watch my little ones grow everyday. I had to go back to work with my oldest when she was just 6 weeks old, so I LOVE being able to be home with both children. It is amazing to watch him grow and develop and discover new things everyday. I just wish I could give it to God and stop feeling like I am not contributing simply because I am not working outside of the home. Believe me… I “work”everyday. Sometimes I think I am working harder being home
I certainly need lots of patience!! Thanks again for this article and to the other readers for their thoughts and insights too!
Julia March 22, 2011 at 8:37 am
Kirsten, I can feel your pain. I am so sorry that your husband is working such long hours. What a burden that must be for the both of you. I’m sure you’ve looked at your finances long and hard, but sometimes it might take asking someone else to peek into your life and see if there is anything else you can cut back on. Maybe there isn’t, but more and more I’m finding that living on less, with more time for the family is ALL that matters in the end.
Susan Todd March 22, 2011 at 7:13 am
This is exactly the question I am facing right now! I cannot wait for the next installment in this series. There are some wonderful comments above and this is such a needed topic for discussion. We’ve actually been discussing me going back to work full-time to make ends meet. I am so glad you are doing a series on this! Thank you!
Robyn March 22, 2011 at 8:30 am
This is just what I needed!
Julia March 22, 2011 at 8:38 am
I’m so glad to hear this Robyn!
Jess March 22, 2011 at 8:40 am
I am really excited about this series! I am a work from home mom, though I only work about 3 hours a week, so it’s not exactly lucrative. It is something I do so that we can pay my oldest son’s tuition and some of our utilities. We would not be making it without my little bit of income, but of course I would love to contribute more. Another reason that I want/need to work from home is a personal one. Many days I feel like Cinderella. I love being home with my children and would never give it up, but I’m not exactly Martha Stewart. I had a job I was good at before I had kids and I enjoyed feeling good at something, being an “expert” in a field. Though there are shining moment in motherhood, feeling like I’m truly good at being a mom is not something that cone easy to me. So I would like to have something that I can do while my oldest is at school and the youngest naps that I can do, love and be proud of!
Amber P March 22, 2011 at 8:51 am
I’m really looking forward to this series of posts. I recently put a few posts on my blog about this exact thing. Most people were very supportive…except one TROLL, of course!
Kathi D March 22, 2011 at 8:52 am
I am one of those who have been blessed beyond measure to be a SAHM. It was a decision my Husband & I both made before we had children. There are days when I want to rip my hair out because people think I sit around and watch TV all day, but let me assure you, that is the furthest thing from the truth
I have found over the years, that I am exactly where God wants me to be, even though I’d love to go out into the work force and be known by my first name instead of Ty’s Mom,lol. I am a Mom to alot of my childrens friends. I am the one who gets called when they are sick at school, these children love to come over because they know I am here. I am a “constant” in a world for so many children who don’t have any consistancy due to divorce, parents both having to work, etc. My house is not neat as a pin, but there is always something for the kids to eat, homework help and a hug if needed.
Please don’t think I would ever look at a Mom who is working outside the home and judge them, because I know there is only 1 judge. We all have something to offer not only our families, but our friends and their families so we all can grow with one another. There are so many folks who are having such a tough time right now that it is vital that we all pull together and bring our families closer so that our children know yep, Mom & Dad love me, but so do alot more folks.
I love this site and how involved you are with your fans. You have such a giving spirit that you have shown alot of us how to pay it forward.
Kathi
Endcapps March 22, 2011 at 8:54 am
Try playing “what if…” to uncover your family’s true NEEDS versus WANTS. What if your family was caught in Japan’s earthquake/tsunami? All your earthly possessions evaporated in an instant… but you did still have your family. Your main focus would be giving them food, shelter, clothing, medical, and love…all the fundamentals. Never mind about the latest iPhone or designer jeans! Those products sound so silly, now that you’ve re-framed your perspective. Living the simple & frugal life is kind of like this. It’s a life philosophy. I have personally lived this philosophy for 30 years & I’m a stay at home mom.
So, NEEDS vs. WANTS… Choosing simplicity & frugality … and delighting within that philosophy…
Jodie Williams March 22, 2011 at 9:12 am
Great topic. My desire has always been to be a stay-at-home mom. I love my job, and honestly believe it is a gift from God. When my husband was temporarily unemployed a few years ago, I was more thankful than ever for it. I’m allowed to work part time, but can voluteer to work more during lean times. I am almost always given all the hours I ask for. Right now, I am more full time than part time. My family loves me; working or not, and they know I love them from home or from work. My husband and I work together to make home the place to be. I, for one have not felt guilt over working. Once in a while, I wish my situation was different, and I’m sad when Ihave to leave the house, but I go with confidence knowing I’m doing what I should for my family. Some day, I hope to be a stay-at-home mom with no guilt as well.
ANNA March 22, 2011 at 10:44 am
I was thinking yesterday, while busy at “work” (I sell custom invitations on Ebay). What an incredible gift my parents gave me by encouraging me to pursue graphic design, even when all I ever wanted to be was a “stay-at-home” mom. God truly blessed me with a gift not only HIS talents but some great parents to encourage that! With that, I think it is important to encourage our kids to also find something they enjoy and can do essentially from home.
Ashlee March 22, 2011 at 11:31 am
I am a SAHM and can’t imagine being a WAHM! There are days I am barely able to manage laundry and dinner. For me working at home just isn’t an option right now. I can see it working when kids are older, but for me with a 19 month and another on the way, working at home or outside the home just isn’t an option. I know some Moms really do have it all together and can manage, but not me!!
I will say though that I am always looking for ways to earn a little money without big time commitments. We just went through all our books (we have an entire room with wall to wall filled book cases) and with an entire afternoons work were able to sell about a third of our books we have no use for online. About 5 hours of work and we now have $225 in the bank. That’s the kind of stuff I’m looking for more information about.
Stacy March 22, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Interesting post. I’m curious as to why you imply that only mothers might stay home if they’re able to. I think that kids would do well with home care regardless of the gender of the parent who chooses to stay home. Other countries have benefited from providing increased parental leave benefits for dads (in addition to loosening some of the stereotypes that dictate “mom = caretaker, dad = breadwinner”). I think that America would be at an advantage from the same.
That being said, I agree that there are many great things to consider about being a stay at home parent, if you can afford it.
Stephanie March 22, 2011 at 12:20 pm
I wan’t working I have 3 school age children and with the slow construction and the stain on my Husband and our finances I am working part time at a retail store. I am so thankful to help out and to have a job. I miss some family functions on the weekends and some evenings but I am home to take and pick up my children and the entire burden is not soley on my Husband anymore. I can at least help out with my small but much appreciated paychecks.
Michelle Boswell Eberhart via Facebook March 22, 2011 at 12:34 pm
What a wonderful well written article Julia! It came at just the right time for me. Thank You.!
Susann March 22, 2011 at 1:40 pm
This topic is definitely one I’ve struggeld with. My husband’s income is sufficient, but I am a registered nurse and in my state we are required to work minimal hours to keep an active lisence. For the past 4 years I have worked minimal hours to stay active just in case something should happen in the future with my husband or his job (basically working out of worry for “what ifs.” A few months ago my husband and I discussed this and decided that our family would be better off if I was not working at all. It was a hard decision to make, but with an inactive lisence I’ll just have to take a refresher course before I can work again. Our household runs so much more smoothly with me not having to worry about a work schedule, getting the kids ready for daycare, being to work on time, etc. I am absolutely loving being a mom, nothing more, nothing less! I was recently offered an opportunity to go back to work and just thinking about it gave me that stressed feeling I’ve been without for these past few months. I turned down the offer and will continue doing the most important work of my life. With the help of your couponing website I hope to stockpile and save money to put us in a position that if something did happen with my husband or his job we would be o.k. without his income until I complete a refresher course and obtain employment. Thanks for posting this series. I’m thrilled to know that so many moms are wanting to do what I do. There is no job more important than ours. I hope I’m not offending anyone who is not in a position to stay home. We all have to do the best we can with what we’re given. We are all blessed in different ways.
Sharan Nacionales March 22, 2011 at 3:36 pm
I’m not sure if you subscribe to Focus on the Family … but their Thriving Family magazine has an article Should you Work From Home.
Teresa March 22, 2011 at 4:07 pm
I would like to offer support and encouragement to all the SAHM and WAHM’s. My plans were to be a SAHM, but my husband left when my daughter was 1.5 years old. I am blessed with having an education and being able to provide for her and I . My working outside the home is a necessity and I try to focus on the time I do get to spend with my child (she is 10 now!). What is right for one is not always right for another, God never said life would be easy, he said we would never be alone to face it. A big thanks to TFF and all those who contribute money saving ideas!
Lisa March 22, 2011 at 7:01 pm
This is a wonderful article and often times I get really upset when I have to leave my kids and go to work. I remember leaving my 4 month old in daycare so I can go back to work as a teacher to finish the school year. I would feel so guilty about leaving everyday. To make matters worse, the office secretary would constantly tell me, “I don’t know why you’re here. You should be at home with your children.” I finally snapped at her after my many sleep deprived nights. Although staying at home isn’t an option right now, I am thankful that I can be at home at a decent hour and have my summers off. Don’t get me wrong, I do have all my grading papers and all that lesson planning to do when the kids go to bed but it works for now. One of these days, I will have that option of staying home.
Alison March 22, 2011 at 8:23 pm
I am a WAHM, because I choose to be and need to be. I worked as a social worker for Child Protective Services before I went on maternity leave and was laid off when my son was 4 months old. (Secretly I was happy about it) I was 38 when I gave birth to my son and always said that there is no way I could stay at home. But once I had my son, Nolan I couldn’t imagine going back to work in an office. I absolutely did not want anyone else watching my son other than me or his father.
It was a VERY difficult decision for us to decide for me to stay at home especially when they offered me my job back. It came down to a $35.00 an hour job or a relationship with Nolan, and I felt that there was no amount of money that could replace the time I would miss with him. It just wasn’t worth being away from him 12-14 hours a day including commute.
Now this was a very difficult decision for my husband and I because he made less than half of my salary. We decided that we were going to market his passion for making metal yard art and resell stuff on ebay that we (well He) buys at garage sales. It has grown enough that we are now going to have to claim it as a business. He does all the buying and I do all the selling and packaging. We also sell our bottle trees on Etsy now (A great place for anyone to sell homemade goods of all kinds).
Some of the poeple I worked with were surprised and somewhat judgemental that I wasn’t going back to work for the security and retirement. I didn’t want to have to deal with all the unspeakable things most people in society can’t even fathom happening to a child, and you deal with it EVERYDAY. It can be an overwhelmingly stressful job, that at times sucks the emotional energy out of you. Another reason why I felt so strongly about staying home with my child. It’s NOT for everyone but it is for me, for now. Maybe in the future I will wish I went to workoutside of the home but I certainly don’t now. Now don’t get me wrong being at home has it’s stressors too!!
My plans don’t include how I am going to juggle eveything at work now. My plans include how much money can I save clipping coupons, how many freebies can I find, and how big of a garden can I grow, all while watching and teaching my own child. I used to think how can I make this work? and now I think I CAN make this work!
I appreciate reading everyone’s story and empathize with those who have to spend away from their children. I also acknowledge those who choose to work outside of the home and do not judge them for making that choice. Life is too short and I’m happy with my choice. But when I choose to do somehting else that will be okay too.
Olivia Smith March 22, 2011 at 8:37 pm
Julia, thank you for your wonderful, thought provoking post. I am blessed to be able to stay home with my kids the majority of the time. I work twelve hours a week doing medical billing (my Mom and I co-own a Medical Billing Company). Even with working so little outside the home it has been a struggle. I often times feel torn, sometimes they are feelings of inadequacy or guilt regarding work and sometimes they are regarding home. Some days I wish I could just stay home and focus on the home but I am reminded of what a blessing my job is. It is extremely flexible and pays decent. It enables my husband and me to save and be proactive so that we do not fall into the debt trap.
My goal is to be an excellent wife (Prov 31) and although her attention and focus were always on the “home” she was so crafty and ambitious, earning money for her home, all the while keeping them the center of her priorities. I think in the end we need to just trust. Trust that our Lord will provide! Sometimes that means He will give our husbands raises, sometimes that means he will enable us wives to come alongside them and help financially. The Lord will take care of us, but sometimes it is not in the way that we would have imagined.
I come from a home where my Mom was a single parent for a good portion of my childhood and as a result my siblings and I were latch-key kids. While I wish she were able to be around more, I am certainly grateful that she worked so hard to provide for her kids. I think because of my background I always had a heart to stay with my kids. I am so thankful to the Lord that he has enabled me to get to do so.
Crystal Beck Hopson via Facebook March 22, 2011 at 9:35 pm
Thank you so much for this. It’s very helpful.
Karen604 March 22, 2011 at 9:45 pm
20 years ago I left the full time working world. Several years ago I started looking to go back in a different field. (the job I held 20 years ago no longer exists.) Now I am over 50 and finding full time work is nearly impossible. I worry as my husband was laid off a year ago, he has been working a contract job that is paying well. But last fall he had quintuple bypass surgery and was out of work for 10 weeks with no disability insurance and not eligible for unemployment. Thankfully the contract job reconnected when he was released from leave.
Once again this week I have hope for a permanent part time contract position. I am hopeful and in prayer over it.
I want each of you to think about the consequences of your decisions. The entire time I have been at home I know that I raised some amazing kids. I do not have an answer for you but I never thought re-entering the work field would be so difficult.
Amber P March 23, 2011 at 5:51 am
This is exactly one of the reasons I have chose to keep working. Hopefully your permanent position will come through for you!! Thanks for sharing.
Anthony March 23, 2011 at 9:53 am
Julia,
Thanks so much for sharing from your heart! As a father of two small children (20 months and 4 months), my wife is a stay at home mom and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have often thought that when I get towards the end of the way and am lying on my deathbed, that I won’t regret the sacrifices we made nor the time invested in them. I want my wife to invest as much in the kids as she possibly can (as a result, we even do shopping together, with me catching the latest deals). We live in a 100K house with no car payment (with a very modest salary), otherwise my wife would have to work. Our vacations are not extravagent (camping, zoo trip, etc.) but really, what does it matter (you live within your means). Society seems to insist that you have the lastest toys, new clothes, nice house, but really, it is all vanity. Unless it is absolutely essential for a mom to work (and it won’t work to downsize), stay at home moms are the best! BTW, she continuosly thanks me over and over about how much she appreciates it all (it goes a long way). I never want her to feel guilty or less of an individual in our marriage because she is an equal–who works twice as hard as I do
. Just my tw0-cents …
Endcapps March 23, 2011 at 11:46 am
Thumbs up! Good to hear from a dad.