Do you respect your husband?

From My Heart

by on August 31, 2010

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I know this isn’t a “frugal” topic, but it’s been a big topic on the agenda of my heart between the Lord and I for a good year now.  I hope that you’ll be able to absorb something from it.  Please don’t read between the lines and assume I have this all figured out, it’s quite the contrary. Also believe me – I battled for quite some time with the idea of even writing this post, the thought of then publishing it was even more difficult.  Then I was reminded of a Facebook status update that I wrote a week ago or so that said…

“I just love it when I see that the fire I went through had a purpose and I’m able to use the lessons I’ve learned to help someone else who is in the midst of the flames. Bring on the Refiner’s Fire!”

How can I NOT share with you all about the fire that I went through?  I’m reminded of the fact that it’s our job to build each other up, to encourage each other, and to in Christ’s love show each other the truth.  So here it goes…

Ladies, I have to start by asking – Do you respect your husband simply because of the fact that God has placed him in that position?  For no other reason, do you honor him because God asks you to?  I’ll be as bold as to ask, even when you don’t feel like it?  God doesn’t ask us to feel respectful towards our husbands he asks us to BE respectful.

Ephesians 5:33 “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

What does this look like?

I’ll share a little bit about what it looks like in our house and the lessons I’ve learned recently.

Finances – While for the most part this is still a team effort, for my worrying sake I needed to give the bills over to my husband. Re-calculating things for the umpteenth time each month was wearing on me heavily.  I struggled for a while after I gave them over to him, don’t get me wrong.  Would he pay them on time?  Would he pay them properly?  Would he pay attention and make sure we even had the money to pay them?  I could go on and on…

Decisions – Everyday decisions were being made, but I didn’t always bother to ask my husband for his input. I’ve even said, but it’s just a kid’s birthday party or a kid’s appointment, it doesn’t make a difference to him.  Then I’d turn around and ask “why isn’t he more involved with the kid’s, he doesn’t know what they’re doing or learning.”  I wonder why.  I now ask him many times a day to help me make a decision, to pray with me over an u coming event or purchase.  God gave us to each other to draw from each others strengths and wisdom, decisions should be made together for this reason.  Even still, sometimes I need to be quiet and let him make the decision alone.  Have you even been so emotional over something that your rational is thrown out the window?  Never, right?!  I think every woman out there can relate…and this is another reason we need our husband’s input in decision making.  At the time you might think, but he doesn’t understand!  Let me tell you, he may very well NOT understand all of the details and that may be a good thing.

Spiritual Matters – Our husbands are our earthly leaders, God will lead us and speak to us through our husbands.  Is your husband not a believer?  Pray for him daily.  But still remember – he is YOUR husband and the same rules apply, unless of course what he is asking you to do is ungodly or would cause you to disobey scripture. He is the only husband in your life.  We are to respect  our husbands and honor them and in doing this, we are honoring God.  If your husband is a believer but isn’t leading the family spiritually, ask  yourself why not?  Are you just taking over and doing it yourself?  Have a talk with him, let him know how important it is.  Read the scriptures together that implore him to take on this task, then pray for him.  Never stop praying for him.

If you’re hoping that your husband will behave in a way that deserves respect, you’re going about it the wrong way and you’re not obeying the word of the Lord. I’d encourage you to try to be respectful first and watch and see what the Lord begins to do in your husband’s heart.

You know what it’s done for me? It’s brought me an ABUNDANCE of peace and a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.  I didn’t have to figure it all out on my own and when I don’t know what to do, I go to my husband.  When I don’t know the answer or the solution, I go to him and we pray together.  If it’s a decision that I just can’t make on my own I leave it to him to decide.  I tuck myself under his wing and I find rest, because through him I’ll feel the love of God and I’ll learn to grow in grace by my husband’s example.  Please understand, even if your husband isn’t a believer the same scripture applies -  the wife must respect her husband, that doesn’t change.  But also please understand I 100% understand (and have lived myself as a child) in situations where safety is an issue. I’m not suggesting you blindly follow his lead, but with wisdom and discernment honor your husband in the Lord.

I’ll be sharing more windows into my life over the next few months, so hopefully you’ll join me as I open up and share HIS story and what He has done in my life and where He has brought me from, and where He is leading me to…

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{ 28 comments… add one }

  • teri stoddard August 31, 2010 at 10:24 pm

    *Everyday decisions were being made, but I didn’t always bother to ask my husband for his input. I’ve even said, but it’s just a kid’s birthday party or a kid’s appointment, it doesn’t make a difference to him. Then I’d turn around and ask “why isn’t he more involved with the kid’s, he doesn’t know what they’re doing or learning.”*

    I think this is a common problem across America. Thank you for this post. Will be sharing it…

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    • Julia August 31, 2010 at 10:28 pm

      Thanks Teri, I appreciate the comment. I think you’re right, men are needed today more than ever before. I wish they would rise up all across America for their families.

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  • Whitney @ Coupon Wonder Mom August 31, 2010 at 10:24 pm

    I just wrote about this on my personal blog, literally posted it seconds before I headed over here! This is not one of the *easiest* things to do, but I do believe it is the most fulfilling. Thank you for sharing.

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  • Gina H August 31, 2010 at 10:25 pm

    Julia,
    That’s great & I know you will bless a lot of women with this. Some might say ouch & be convicted, but it’s not always easy to hear the truth. Thank you for sharing it with us!
    God bless you! And keep up the good work! :)

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  • Kim August 31, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    Tough topic but a good one for us all to reflect on. Thank you for the reminders. Sometimes it is so hard especially in the day to day events when we are tired. It is especially hard for those of us who are controlling types to let go and let our husbands take the lead and then show respect as they do.

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  • Nikki August 31, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    I had to click on this post just to see you two cute patooties :D
    what babies, huh? But I do believe the Lord is SO using all you’ve come through to refresh and kickstart our hearts! God is So good, that nothing is ever in vein.
    I can relate to many of your points, and I really identify with needing to give respect even w/o having to FEEL respect all the time….we often reason our way out of obedience…much to our detriment!
    So thank you for sharing and blessings over your household as you journey in faithfulness!
    I think I sighed outloud when I read ‘tuck myself under his wings and find rest’…..ah, thank you Jesus for that promise! We have SUCH a covering in our hubbies!

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  • Anonymous August 31, 2010 at 10:58 pm

    This is my favorite part of your blog.

    Early in my husbands and I’s relationship, the most memorable phrase about respect that he said was, “respect isn’t given, it has to be earned.” Oh boy oh boy did this cause a few ripples in the water! We must have gone back and forth over that one…I insisted that we need to be respectful of each other regardless, no matter what the other had done. With that attitude the way I responded to my husband was purely emotional being hurt in that way(definitely was not being respectful back sometimes). I promise you I was no angel myself and had my downfalls, but when I was spoken to with respect from the get go, my attitude and responses changed. Did I respond inappropriately and disrespectfully during those times? Absolutely. Fire makes fire. But ya know, it’s really tough getting mad at someone who is treating you like one of their equals.
    That was a tough one to get through, but I’m happy to say 8 years later and a drastically different attitude towards each other we have made it through.

    Ephesians 5:33 “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

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  • Angie August 31, 2010 at 11:05 pm

    You have given me much to ponder. Thank you. I think I will be thinking of my husband in a whole different light. :)

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  • Angela September 1, 2010 at 10:10 am

    Thank you so much for sharing! This is something I am currently struggling with and God has really been working on my heart over the last year in regards to this. I have seen how not respecting my husband has hurt my marriage, and now I am working to repair the damage done. I know God will make our marriage stronger through this, but sometimes I wish the process were faster! ;)

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  • Christi Meyer September 1, 2010 at 11:51 am

    This was truly a blessing to me today. I struggled with this terribly when we first became Christians. What is amazing is how my husband responded. I was terrified of giving up control. The more I gave my husband, the more he gave back to me. We still struggle with finances and day to day life, but I am so glad we do it together. Thank you for the post!

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  • Denise September 1, 2010 at 11:57 am

    This has been a hot topic lately, but for a different take on it a little. I have and do respect my husband most of the time. I have my moments when I struggle. ;) Especially since lately he has been on a very dark road in his Christian journey. He is really struggling lately with being angry at God for some things that have and have not happened in life. This has been very hard for both of us to deal with. He has a lot of physical pain due to a medical condition, but sometimes when you’re in the midst of the pain, it is hard to see the good in it. I have a hard time seeing how he can be so angry about it, and get angry at him to “snap out of it” so to speak. I understand most of the time that he really hurts, please don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I want him to stand up again and be the spiritual leader of our family and at this moment he is not and has no desire to. We have had many discussions about this and lots of prayer for it. So far nothing. At this moment, I respect him and his decisions, but I have to be the spiritual leader fill in on some things because he refuses. However; if he says something goes, it usually goes unless it is ungodly. It’s a very hard position to be in when these type of things are going on. So pray for us that he may once again trust and respect God to help him, provide for him and us, and not to be angry when God says no or not right now; because until he can get past this, this will continue to be a struggle for both of us.

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    • Tiffany October 13, 2010 at 10:47 pm

      Denise – we discussed this topic slightly last week in Sunday school and it was related to us as parents to our children. We instruct our children to do or not to do things, or tell them not right now, for various reasons, but in the grand scheme it’s because we love them and we’re looking out for them. Sometime they’re not happy with our decisions and that’s ok. This is a similar relationship that God has with us – he tells us no or asks us to wait because it’s not the right time, and of course we can’t see His master plan so we don’t understand. But what we can reassure ourselves with is that God loves us and He has a plan for your family. Your husband may not understand it now, but should know that God will never lead astray and put you in harms way. Even if it seems so, He is right there next to you, comforting you through the trial. Trials are given to us to strengthen us, to reaffirm our faith. I know it’s extremely hard to do while in the midst of the trial, but think of the glory that God receives when we turn to him when we’re at our lowest point! Think of the people we could be encouraging and aiding in turning to Christ when we explain that when we went through this horrible ordeal, Christ was there every step of the way, He never left me, and it was Him that pulled me through to the other side. That was how I made it; not because of anything I did, but because of His grace, mercy and love.

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  • Joan September 1, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    Thank you for sharing. I, too, have been so abundantly blessed by following God’s will of respecting and honoring my husband. Doing it wasn’t easy, but boy, I am so glad I did. And God continues to bless us as a couple and a family daily. :)

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  • Lacy(navyfrugalista) September 1, 2010 at 7:44 pm

    Julia,
    I think you are so spot on with this blog post, within the past year I have truly embraced the same feelings about my husband and role in our household. And sister, it was the best decision I have ever made…not only do I NOT feel burdened or weighed down by decisions, ochoices that are dh’s to make but I feel more enlightened and free over letting go and praying to the Heavenly Father to have dh be the true leader of our house. Some I know would call me a push over or a quack but girl I am more free, more joyful and have a faith stronger than ever. I wish I had been as spiritually as intelligent as you to come to this realization, I read a book called Passionate Housewives Desperate for God and it totally changed my life for the good. Good on ya Julia!! Stay true to you!! Love the blog!!

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  • Cheryl S September 1, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    Ths one thing I disagree with is that I ‘respect my husband because God has placed him that position’ – I respect my husband because he has great values and values, he is akind and loving father and a wonderful life partner.

    I do not feel that my husband is ‘my earthly leader’ – I beieve in my heart and sould that we are equals, true partners in friendship, parenting, love and life.

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  • Cynthia September 3, 2010 at 10:13 am

    Thank you for the post. I definitely needed to read this. Although not married, but hoping that one day God will send that person to me, when I am ready, this will be something I will carry with me. Thanks again!

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  • Tiffany October 13, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    Another wonderful post. I’ve started to read “The Excellent Wife,” and I’ve learned this same lesson – that respecting your husband is respecting God and doing His will. It’s definitely not always easy, but I can’t tell you how much our marriage has grown, both closer together and closer to Him. Prayers I didn’t even pray are being answered because God knows what’s in my heart. I reiterate – I’m SO glad I found your site! Thank you again for opening your heart for us, and for your humbleness.

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  • Reba October 16, 2010 at 7:41 am

    Good reminder on a tough topic. Thanks for posting.

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  • angie h March 10, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    I love that you posted this. It is something I think we all struggle with and I think it is why divorce is so high. We don’t understand or fill our roles. I listened to several series by Dr Tony Evans that changed my life. You can go here and listen. Look through the archives for any of his marriage/man/woman series http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/the-alternative/

    It hits so many issues on the head! Unfortunately, my husband is not a Christian. I continue to pray for our marriage and him, and through these sermons try to fulfill my role in the marriage and give my husband respect and let God take care of him and where he lacks.

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  • Jaime May 9, 2011 at 5:03 am

    Love this. God always knows what is best for us, maybe we don’t understand things at that exact moment but He knows. I do have a strong faith in Him and that has definitely helped me to keep a strong marriage. Of course, my husband is pretty awesome too! ;) Thanks for such a great post and reminder! :) Love your blog – found it via Hip2Save. Hope you had a nice Mother’s Day weekend!

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  • Claudia Phillips May 23, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    Julia, I reallyl love this post, because it reminds me of the book “Love & Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs. A man needs to feel respected and a woman needs to feel loved. Too often we try to give to our spouse what WE want, versus what THEY need. Thanks for sharing!

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